Ready

Bubbly's trying to smooth out my frown lines again. He's not silly, he knows when I'm stressing, even when I do my best to hide it.

The panel in our area sits tomorrow to determine school spots for next year, and I just got Little One's preschool offer for next year today. Our Plan B is much the same as this year- two 6 hour days again and if he gets EI there an extra three hour program once a week (still unconfirmed but he should get in). 

I'm trying to be grateful. Our preschool are amazing. They provide 1:1 where no one else will. He loves them, and they love him. The third day that was a tiny possibility would've opened my options up as well as his though.

I'm trying to be gracious. There are other kids out there, older kids, who need spots as much as Little One does, who've probably patiently waited that extra year.

I'm trying to be patient. What's one more year? My career and my sanity have waited this long, and they're only little once. He'll keep learning and progressing.

But I also know what my Little One stands to gain from an early start where we've seen Bubbly thrive. Call me selfish, but every mother wants what's best for their child and their family. 

It sucks to have no real say over where my child will be educated. It sucks to prepare yourself for disappointment. It sucks to have his future in the hands of a group of strangers who will never even lay eyes on him, who've never seen him walking through the school singing a rare word: "READY!!". He's right, he is SO ready. 

I'm ready too. It's not just Little One who needs to stretch their wings and step out into the world. It's hard to have opportunities laid out before you- to really help others, to do what you're good at- but to have to shelve any real thoughts and plans until you know for sure it's safe to get excited.

It will work out. It always does, even if it's not in the way I hope or expect. So I'll try to leave this here, to breathe and enjoy the cool little fingers smoothing out my forehead; and to watch the dancing, giggling little boy who really couldn't care less which plan comes to fruition next year.