Happy Sad

The Bubbly One is a musical boy. By that I don't mean that he's a savant, but music is his thing. Most of his vocabulary is in song form. I can give him a verbal instruction half a dozen times, and he might respond to part of it. Sing an instruction? He just seems to get it, and he acts on it, whether it's an old instruction, or a new one. Music calms him, excites him, and provides him with a link to the world. Throw his name into a song and he thinks it's hilarious and will want you to do it again, and again, and again! Sing anything from Shrek, The Wiggles or Sesame Street and he'll do his best to join in. What he lacks in words, he more than makes up for with enthusiasm!  

Music has a similar effect on me, though I cannot sing to save myself. I associate songs with times, places and people. A passing phrase will remind me of a song I know, and some songs make me very emotional. I know that there are many other people like this, but tonight I saw it in my son with a song that has always "got me", and it blew me away.

Bubbly found iTunes radio on my phone, which had a Muppets station. It turned out The Muppets were the radio DJ's, which was very cool. But then Kermit singing Rainbow Connection came on. This song is one that I've always loved, and which I have a really emotional response to. I have no idea why. I saw The Muppets movie that it was in when I was really little, so maybe it's something from then, but I digress. I paused in the kitchen when I heard it start, and then I heard it. My boy singing along, in the sweetest, most innocent tone he possesses. There were no words coming out, but the sound was beautiful and it came from his heart. After a week filled with him yelling, and occasionally screaming, all I could do was stand there in awe, and just listen.

Of course, I downloaded it straight away. And he played it over, and over, and over again. I can listen to it over and over again, so that was fine, and I sang along with him as he began to dance around the room.

"You like this song Bubbly?"
He stopped twirling and listened.
"It sah!"
"It's sad?"
"Sad"
And he began to twirl again.
And he played it again, and again he stopped twirling here:

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be;

He'd stopped in front of me and looked into my eyes.

"It's sah, it sad"

I didn't know what to say. Bubbly has never identified an emotion before. He was relaxed, more so than he's been in a couple of weeks. He was smiling, and I really don't think he felt sad, but I think he was identifying that something in the song had touched him, and I said the first thing that came to mind.

"It is kind of sad, but happy sad."

The swaying and twirling recommenced as he sang along, again with no words, but beautiful pitch.

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

I don't know whether it was the right thing to say, in fact saying "happy sad" was probably a pretty foolish thing to say to my autistic son, who struggles to convey his emotions. But it seemed to make sense to him, because he didn't stop at that point any more.

He just continued to twirl, and sing. It was beautiful, and I could have watched him feel that music all night.